Here on these mountains of Western North Carolina there is kudzu everywhere. It is an invasive vine that chokes trees, grass, shrubs, and other vegetation. Kudzu dies in the winter and in spring it starts to trail its way up and down the hills. Every morning on the way down the mountain I see the kudzu and think about how my emotions have been like the noxious weed growing and coiling all over the place. I forget about my insecurities and self-image issues for a while (like kudzu in winter) and then something will trigger them…a small growth of doubt and the insecurities become mountains full of kudzu choking me.
I am learning that for most of my life I never went to the root of certain traumatic events. I cut the top off and later on (when I least expected it) the issue would arise and coil in every direction of my mind. I begin to live the moments as if they were re-happening, even when decades have gone by. These memories, full of painful scenes, become my kudzu. My resistance to move forward paralyzes me when this happens.
It is always difficult to battle with resistance from our human perspective. Our ego’s main job is to make certain that we continue to fight. What we want is not always what completes us. We seem to depart from our original wants and then blame the universe for not getting what we think we deserve. Somewhere, somehow, in our busy lives we have detoured from the simplicity of our plans. When we start to look at the past for answers we get stuck there. The truth is that until we can reach the essence of our identity we cannot know what we want. Until the events get addressed and released we cannot escape them and it is then that our emotions become like kudzu in the forest…taking over everything and choking the hell out of us.
These are the nuts and bolts of living a life in separation versus unity. Our wants can’t be met if we don’t know who we are. What we need and what we want are in constant battle with our Spirit as we revisit the past. God speaks through our strengths the most compelling way. We spend our lives not feeling the truth of what we are, and not really knowing consciously what we want. Whenever we do come in alignment with our desires and the Divine, then we must take a look at the reflection and realize that whatever we manifest is exactly who we are meant to be. So manifesting thoughts of past events is not in alignment with me today. I am who I am because of those painful experiences. I do not need to re-enter into the drama of insecurities.
The illusion of control, law and science melts because life just is. We learn to see the world as it is, not how our perception creates it from our egotistical wants. It is then that the kudzu of our minds gets removed once and for all. I, for one, don’t want the annoying vine taking over my present life. There is a way to finally get to the invasive pestering thoughts and kill the events. I get to face them, pull from the root of the moments and burn them. I get to choose my thoughts. This summer I’ve had to really go in there and take care of the truth once and for all. I’ve made a conscious decision to finally live in freedom from past events. After all, it is all an illusion. I refuse to let the kudzu of my ego return to choke me whenever it feels like it.
About the Author: Millie A. Mestril
After raising six children, working in the corporate world, and being part of a relationship for eighteen years, I found that happiness was not consistent in my world. I left the business world, ended a relationship that was deteriorating and headed to the mountains. My best friend and I bought a small motel in the middle of gorgeous country and began the greatest journey. What started as a visit to Asheville in May of 2010 became a permanent home for us. Now with only one teenager at home, I am able to be part of a wonderful world of meeting people from all walks of life. We’ve transformed an old gem of a place into a sweet and quaint oasis for others to find peace. To those looking into our lives it seems we saved Peaceful Quest Retreats, but the reality is that this place saved us. Every day brings joy, inspiration and a zest for life I never knew existed. The lessons have not always been easy but the ride has been scenic and delightful. I can’t imagine ever returning to a life that was not authentic to my spirit. ~ Millie A. Mestril