I once read “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other to die”. -Buddha
The opposite of forgiveness is resentment. Resentment is very seductive. It looks good on the outside, even irresistible at most times, but it’s trouble.
You believe it will make you feel better to have this feeling towards someone because they deserve it– after all, they were wrong in your eyes… they hurt you. So, they deserve to be punished. However, in reality, you’re punishing yourself by making yourself a victim. It takes A LOT more work to have hatred then to have peace.
Sometimes being right doesn’t always mean that you’ll feel right. Perhaps, we should take the high road and choose being happy over being right. This doesn’t mean to approve anyone’s behavior, it just means to accept it happened. You can’t change the situation. You can’t change them– AND DON’T TRY TO! Instead, change yourself. Change that hatred into healing. By forgiving, you’ll heal. By letting go, you’ll grow. Cut ties with them before you cut your self-peace. It’s ok to walk away from people who no longer serve you. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it just means you value yourself.
“Don’t keep adding to someone’s life when they keep subtracting from yours”. -Deanna Lupinacci
It wasn’t until recently, I learned how to forgive. I always thought to forgive is to allow someone to stay in your life or to basically say “what you did wasn’t wrong”. It’s not about that though. It’s something deeper– literally. Inner-peace. To have resentment is very unhealthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Why put your health at risk because of someone else’s actions? Think about this theory: You are locked up in a prison. Only four walls to look at and they all have names; mental, emotional, spiritual, physical. Days turn into months turn into years.
“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives”. -anonymous
Why live this way? You don’t deserve this bind. Don’t be at the mercy of someone else.
The key to this freedom is forgiveness. Again, I can’t stress enough how this forgiveness isn’t for them– it’s for you! Therefore, you don’t need to speak to them or tell them you forgive them. Do this exercise alone. Dive deep. What got me through this is to “surrender”. To let go of what I can’t control.
Who is holding the key to your emotional freedom? Who are you giving authority to control your feelings? Who do you need to release in order to release yourself from these chains?
-I recommend the exercise “cord cutting”. This will cut emotional ties. You can find this exercise on www.youtube.com.
-Forgiveness meditation when needed. After “cord cutting”, you may need to do this step a few times to rejuvenate yourself– give yourself an extra push. Light a candle and release this toxic feeling whenever you feel this poison of resentment flowing through your veins. Say “I accept this, but I don’t approve this. I am not a hurt victim, I am a healed survivor”.
-Even for non-readers, I guarantee you won’t be able to put down the book “A return to love” by Marianne Williamson once you start. This book is perfect for the soul, teaching you how to forgive, love and trust again– starting with yourself.
-Seek spiritual guidance if you need assistance.
Never wish bad upon anyone -even those who have hurt you- because hurt people hurt people. After all, they are fighting a battle. It was never about you. This battle is within themselves. Always wish them well during these emotional exercises. You must release all negative emotions in order to make room for the positive. For those of you who are waiting for “closure”. Do not wait.
“If someone doesn’t give you piece of mind, give yourself PEACE of mind”. -Deanna Lupinacci
We only have two hands. Let go of the things that make you sad, so that you can grab on to what makes you happy.
Release resentment with love– to love. You deserve that– love.
Photo via: thebridgemaker.com (No Copyright Infringement Intended.)
About the Author:
Deanna Lupinacci is a Holistic Practitioner certified from The New York International Reiki Center in New York City. She puts her belief in new-age, modern therapies healing mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically with reiki and life coaching. She holds support groups, wellness workshops, positive programs and healing circles. Her wellness therapy is all natural which involves chakra balancing, realm reading, meditation and breathwork. Deanna uses a customized approach in creating and running all of her programs. She sees clients in Port Jefferson Station and Smithtown, New York and also holds sessions via phone and online for out-of-state clients. She specializes in stress management (which can create anxiety), relationships (communication and codependency), bereavement and soul searching (for young teens and adults to not only find themselves, but create themselves).
Twitter: Deanna Lupinacci
Phone number: 631-885-8228