Books find me in the strangest of ways. If I am in a bookstore they literally jump from the shelves. I know this sounds nuts but it is a phenomenon I cannot explain. Because of my stubbornness there are only a few things that bring me to stop and listen intuitively. One is when my body shuts down like it has done recently; the other, through written words, signs or books.
Four years ago, when I was struggling to end my 18-year relationship I kept asking God to show me a sign on how I was going to break free. I was in such turmoil that my body created a giant ulcer in my stomach. A day before Valentine’s Day my ex and I went to the shopping center near our home. I had to use the bathroom so I went into Barnes and Noble and went through the new age isle. While in the bathroom I broke down in tears in the stall. I asked God to please help me. I couldn’t take one more step, one more day in that life. I just couldn’t move. On the way back out, walking through the same isle, a book fell off the shelf. I picked it up to place it on the rack. It was called, You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering Your Authentic Self by Albert Clayton Gaulden. I had no choice but to buy it.
I spent that night reading it from cover to cover. I must’ve highlighted the entire book. I even contacted the author who has a center in Sedona, Arizona. The book spoke to me in ways I can’t begin to describe. I remember a sentence early on the first pages, “We create the life we deserve when we let go of the world of illusion – the “un-us” world – and become clearly who we really are.”
Now the magical question was “Who was I? What did I want other than being out of an abusive relationship? What would my world look like if I allowed my authentic self to lead the way?” I had absolutely no clue. What I did know at that moment after reading the book was that Divine intervention had picked this guide to give me strength. Less than a month later I was out of that relationship. I left my home, found a rental house, and a few months after that I gave him my half of the business. I was free. It is easy to say the words, but the road there was not so easily paved without several blockages. It took a lot to build up my confidence and self-worth.
Whenever you get aligned with Spirit, your authentic self is allowed to roam freely. We start becoming who we are supposed to be. When we go against our intuitive spirit the path we find is full of blockages, stagnation, and painful experiences. Nonetheless, even those life experiences can make us stronger. Everything does happen for a reason! These are the nuts and bolts of living a life in separation versus unity with the Divine. Our wants can’t be met if we don’t know who we are. We don’t sit long enough to take accounts of our desires. What we need and what we want are in constant battle with our Spirit. God speaks through our strengths in the most compelling way. We spend our lives not feeling the truth of who we are, and not really knowing consciously what we want. We so desperately want to be someone else but we have no clue of who that someone else is. Whenever we do come in alignment with our desires and the Divine, then we must take a look at the reflection and realize that whatever we manifest is exactly who we are meant to be. The illusion of control, law and science melts because life just is. We learn to see the world as it is, not how our perception creates it from our egotistical wants.
Whenever you allow the ego to dictate and lead, you will always be distracted from your authentic self. Ego will always put materialism, wants, and false ideas as blockage. The Divine will make sure you always have what you need. Living a life of truth takes practice. It takes a huge leap of faith because the Unknown is a scary place.
I can only speak for my lessons. I say this all the time and mean it: “You are only responsible for your happiness. You are only responsible for your authentic self.” Everything else is a creation of a false perception. May you find the strength and courage to look deep inside and follow your inner spirit. I promise, the freedom you will find is priceless. This doesn’t mean you will be “super human.” It just means you will finally be Oneness with your humanity.
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About the Author: Millie A. Mestril
After raising six children, working in the corporate world, and being part of a relationship for eighteen years, I found that happiness was not consistent in my world. I left the business world, ended a relationship that was deteriorating and headed to the mountains. My best friend and I bought a small motel in the middle of gorgeous country and began the greatest journey. What started as a visit to Asheville in May of 2010 became a permanent home for us. Now with only one teenager at home, I am able to be part of a wonderful world of meeting people from all walks of life. We’ve transformed an old gem of a place into a sweet and quaint oasis for others to find peace. To those looking into our lives it seems we saved Peaceful Quest Retreats, but the reality is that this place saved us. Every day brings joy, inspiration and a zest for life I never knew existed. The lessons have not always been easy but the ride has been scenic and delightful. I can’t imagine ever returning to a life that was not authentic to my spirit. ~ Millie A. Mestril