For whatever reason we place everything before our faith and spiritual practice: career, children, spouses, house work, drama, and all the busyness that comes with our humanness. Spirituality seems to come as a last alternative, full of shameful guilt for not doing more, we touch it with half of our soul’s yearning. Meditation and prayer come in moments of desperation. It becomes an assignment of negotiation with God. The truth is we are spiritual beings having a human experience.
Spirituality is not perfect. It isn’t stuck in a box of rituals for each person to follow. Spirituality is sloppy and chaotic at times. Our spirits desire the awakening experience. The Divine is in us waiting to be touched and held. My mornings require ritual: lighting candles, incense, saying my prayers to enter the world, and sitting in silence with a cup of coffee or tea. I need these moments of deep awareness as I open my curtains and allow the outside to join my space. I need to show my spirit gratitude for another breath. This is not a perfect ritual of contemplation but it is mine to uncover and welcome Divinity into my day.
Spiritualism accepts the imperfections, the messy lives, the brokenness, the unsaid truths, and everything under the spectrum that we think is not acceptable in organized religion. Why do we hide behind the façade of impeccable accomplishments? It seems that faith is based on what we can see and control rather than the acceptance of the unknown. We practice spiritual perception with fear of what we don’t know and can happen. What would happen if we allow synchronicity to dictate our days? If we moved with serendipity rather than against it? If we no longer feared the future? What would happen to us then if we allowed something greater than ourselves to move through us as the Commander in Chief of our lives?
At the end of your life you will not regret the lack of another degree, not having bought the little red sports car, not getting that expensive house, not having enough money in the bank. You will regret not having spent more time in nature, holding a friend’s hand in need, missing your child’s recital, not taking walks with your love, not speaking your truth. You might feel ashamed for the time not spent with Divinity, kisses from your children, hugs from your parents, and sweet words from a lover. You will wonder why you didn’t sit and relaxed more, breathed the earth deeply, and allowed each moment to count just as it is meant to touch you. The things most important in life have nothing to do with money, winning, status or work. They have to do with love, sharing and other moments invaluable to your spirit. The first and only person you need to answer to is yourself. The second is your faith. Give each moment the degree of importance it needs to be cherished and enjoyed. Be present in your conversations, visits, and life. Don’t waste worrying about the things or the to-do list. Don’t be overwhelmed with anxiety for what could not happen and participate in the moment you have available right now. This is part of sloppy spirituality: the deep awareness of each breath, touch, and leaving everything behind. It is about reprogramming your senses, needs, and releasing the control of what we have been conditioned to be religious beliefs.
I rather live a messy spiritual life than one of conformities, living inside of a make believe fantasy and never witnessing the miracle of God. I rather behold the eyes of someone speaking with me and truly seeing their soul unfold. That’s the most beautiful form of spiritual wisdom. I can’t think of anything more whole to experience the oneness of our existence.
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About the Author: Millie A. Mestril
After raising six children, working in the corporate world, and being part of a relationship for eighteen years, I found that happiness was not consistent in my world. I left the business world, ended a relationship that was deteriorating and headed to the mountains. My best friend and I bought a small motel in the middle of gorgeous country and began the greatest journey. What started as a visit to Asheville in May of 2010 became a permanent home for us. Now with only one teenager at home, I am able to be part of a wonderful world of meeting people from all walks of life. We’ve transformed an old gem of a place into a sweet and quaint oasis for others to find peace. To those looking into our lives it seems we saved Peaceful Quest Retreats, but the reality is that this place saved us. Every day brings joy, inspiration and a zest for life I never knew existed. The lessons have not always been easy but the ride has been scenic and delightful. I can’t imagine ever returning to a life that was not authentic to my spirit. ~ Millie A. Mestril