When I was in my twenties a man said to me, “The best way to assure a long lasting relationship is to find someone who loves you more than you love them.” At the time, being an ignorant and naïve young woman, I took that to heart. I decided that I was going to love each man more than they loved me that way I would assure a long lasting relationship.
The thing is… that thing that happens with time and lessons, that there is no love meter. There is no way to measure how much someone loves you. I felt as if I was always short of loving that other person and therefore the relationship kept failing. The harder I loved the less it worked out. Who knows how much anyone loves another. We are made up of millions of cells, emotions, and perceptions. Just because I express them openly doesn’t mean the other person doesn’t feel them.
Twenty years have passed since that advice was thrown into the presence of a corny-romantic woman. What I’ve found is that love is the easiest sentiment in the world. It isn’t a pressure pot cooking under restraints. Love is more like a crock pot slowly simmering and keeping warm without burning under fire. I always dove into it like there was no tomorrow. I was determined to give it my all. Unfortunately, the other person was rarely on board with my all-or-nothing attitude. That kind of love was stressful and toxic.
We are so accustomed to possessing another. We want to be loved by our children, our spouses, friends, and anyone who cares to understand just a little bit of our personalities. The need to be loved seems to be one of the greatest traits around the world. It is universal, tying us together around the globe. Mother Teresa once said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” I believe this to be true if you love completely without expectations. Our egos get in the way and what we give out we expect to receive even greater. The amount of stress we place on one another is ridiculous!
So, I’ve declared not loving with a love meter. I love because I feel it, not because it is expected. I love unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and freely. That’s my kind of love! Love isn’t about losing one’s self in another. It’s about adding, enhancing and learning from another to make you the best version of yourself. It is about lifting vibrations through kindness, generosity and graciousness.
Until there is a love meter gadget I will stick to having an open heart, an open mind, and a spirit that has no boundaries to giving the greatest gift in the world…the love we were meant to share. Be your own love guru and allow the magic to appear through the most mysterious places in your life. You will be in awed!
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About the Author: Millie A. Mestril
After raising six children, working in the corporate world, and being part of a relationship for eighteen years, I found that happiness was not consistent in my world. I left the business world, ended a relationship that was deteriorating and headed to the mountains. My best friend and I bought a small motel in the middle of gorgeous country and began the greatest journey. What started as a visit to Asheville in May of 2010 became a permanent home for us. Now with only one teenager at home, I am able to be part of a wonderful world of meeting people from all walks of life. We’ve transformed an old gem of a place into a sweet and quaint oasis for others to find peace. To those looking into our lives it seems we saved Peaceful Quest Retreats, but the reality is that this place saved us. Every day brings joy, inspiration and a zest for life I never knew existed. The lessons have not always been easy but the ride has been scenic and delightful. I can’t imagine ever returning to a life that was not authentic to my spirit. ~ Millie A. Mestril