When I got my coffee this morning and sat on my deck overlooking the pond, the mountains, and all of the morning’s glory I began to cry. I don’t know what overwhelmed me in seeing such marvelous textures and colors; smelling the dew of a new day; hearing the sound of the frogs, crickets and the splashes of water from the fish waiting on their bread. I was overcome with such intensity that I had to stand and allow the tears to flow. Life appeared in such immensity that everything around me was all that I am. This magical place, I get to call home, is constantly healing me. It twists and turns in me when I don’t want to be spiritual and play outside the “knowing.” It reminds me that all that I am sits inside of me and not apart from me. Yes, I was overcome with such gratitude, joy, sadness, laughter and awareness. Finally when I allowed the gasping of breath to subside, the tears began to stop coming down, and I was able to sit and go into silence. It’s hard to imagine not practicing a spiritual union or ritual with God every day. There have been times in the past month, due to company and unexpected stressors, that I skipped these moments to then find myself in turmoil. Because I am all that is awareness, presence and love, I cannot neglect that simple hour each morning of entering another day in life.
Reality continues to interrupt my life at times. Life will invite me in moments of silence to sit and hear a story. Some of these stories are made up, fictional fairy tales created by ego to satisfy my perception. I took that path…made it here. I should’ve done that…but ended there. You know these stories well. In a moment of clarity the Divine will show you a reality that seems to interrupt the core of your belief system. Those things I have said, “NO” to and “NEVER AGAIN,” somehow become the YESES. They form new stories. The unexpected becomes the protagonist even when I thought it was the antagonist in the stories. We attract everything we think, especially those things we don’t want. We give them so much power because they are constant in our fears. And so, this morning, somehow in my state of spiritual connection my heart opened up and let go. I surrendered into the unknown of “what if” changing it to “why not!” I smiled, giggled, and exploded with a loud laughter while sipping on my second cup of coffee.
Feeding the fish, watching the birds on the trees, listening to the wind hit the chimes, I was once again in the midst of my truth and all knowing. It doesn’t matter how life presents itself. Sometimes I hear my muscles aching and my bones crackling because I am not living the true life I was anticipating. But this is an illusion. I have no regrets for what paths I took. My passion now is to enjoy the journey of this moment. Those expectations don’t serve me any longer. I am no different from you. I stumble, fall and get right back up. Life has a way of kicking ass if we stop paying attention to what matters.
As Virginia Woolf said, “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” It needs to be acknowledged in the presence. It needs the wisdom of time, gratitude for each breath, and love for each connection. If you let it, life will break you. It will test you while clawing into doubts and anxieties. But, if you let life guide you without the fears of the unknown through faith and trust it will give you everything you have wanted and more…while being fully present with joy. This is an adventure. No doubt about it! Allow yourself to feel alive in those solitary moments when the reminder of living is magnified. You woke up today. You are here. Be embraced by the awesomeness!
About the Author: Millie A. Mestril
After raising six children, working in the corporate world, and being part of a relationship for eighteen years, I found that happiness was not consistent in my world. I left the business world, ended a relationship that was deteriorating and headed to the mountains. My best friend and I bought a small motel in the middle of gorgeous country and began the greatest journey. What started as a visit to Asheville in May of 2010 became a permanent home for us. Now with only one teenager at home, I am able to be part of a wonderful world of meeting people from all walks of life. We’ve transformed an old gem of a place into a sweet and quaint oasis for others to find peace. To those looking into our lives it seems we saved Peaceful Quest Retreats, but the reality is that this place saved us. Every day brings joy, inspiration and a zest for life I never knew existed. The lessons have not always been easy but the ride has been scenic and delightful. I can’t imagine ever returning to a life that was not authentic to my spirit. ~ Millie A. Mestril