Not long ago I received a beautiful email from an ex that touched me to the very core of my spirit. He wanted to congratulate me on my new relationship as he had been keeping up with my blog. He also wanted to tell me that after so long he had come to the realization that no one ever loved him the way I did. In my “fierce unconditional love” he couldn’t breathe. He felt that he wasn’t enough and constantly pulled away. Now after a long while, and moving onto other relationships, he realized that he not only deserved that way of being loved but he wouldn’t settle for anything less. I was moved by the many things he wrote, even the depth of his gratitude and wishing me well. He hoped that my fiancé never took me for granted because he had and it was a regret that required self-forgiveness. In retrospect he wrote that I “taught him to love” and he was worth it. He thanked me for the way I made him believe in himself.
Confirmations come from the most unlikely sources. Love…that powerful movement of energy that runs through every cell of our bodies is also the substance that makes us uncomfortable if we’ve never really embraced it in ourselves. Some people, and I speak of my adopted children as well, reject it. Because they never had it as infants or toddlers, they will push it until the emptiness is all they bathe in and accept. In romantic relationships it is the wave that brings forth the past, carrying with it scars and stories that serve little purpose into the present. This man’s email was a gift. I often think I am too much in the love department. If you aren’t ready for me I think I suffocate with the emotion through over zealous actions. I don’t mean to, I just see the light and bask in it. I don’t mean to raise anyone up on some throne but when I fall in love I see the beauty in others. Even in friendships I find the light of divinity smiling through my heart.
When I left my ex after 18 years he said the same thing in different words. He called me up several years later intoxicated and told me that he was traumatized. Woman after woman, relationships blending into others, one-night stands, and he could not grasp the love I gave him for so long and then stopped because of his destructive behavior. He knew he was addicted to attention and acceptance. He craved for the grandiose moments that come in new escapades and adventures. But, after removing all the women from the stories he realized that he couldn’t duplicate the love I had for him. He knew that no amount of money could buy it. He missed being loved with such gentleness and endless acceptance. My heart cried for his pain. I have cared deeply for each one of my relationships. I’ve ended them with an openness that is rare. I have been grateful for the lessons. I send them love and happiness in my prayers. I just love myself more.
Any kind of love requires truth, patience and acceptance. The baggage we carry into relationships is often times the reason they don’t work. Strong personalities will reject change. Traumas will sabotage any form of happiness. Stubbornness, rejection, insecurities, and doubt will break the magic. Loving is easy. Letting go of a crappy ego is not and it will fight to make its point through self-worth.
Love! Love deeply and openly. The right person will not fight it. He/she will begin to see the worth. We all deserve this worth. Do not rearrange your life to meet another half way. Love unconditionally. Love with the fierce passion of your heart. The universe will align it with someone who can appreciate it, deserve it, and return it with the same significance. When you love openly Spirit manifests beauty, hope and an endless amount of serendipitous possibilities. It is delightful!
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About the Author: Millie A. Mestril
After raising six children, working in the corporate world, and being part of a relationship for eighteen years, I found that happiness was not consistent in my world. I left the business world, ended a relationship that was deteriorating and headed to the mountains. My best friend and I bought a small motel in the middle of gorgeous country and began the greatest journey. What started as a visit to Asheville in May of 2010 became a permanent home for us. Now with only one teenager at home, I am able to be part of a wonderful world of meeting people from all walks of life. We’ve transformed an old gem of a place into a sweet and quaint oasis for others to find peace. To those looking into our lives it seems we saved Peaceful Quest Retreats, but the reality is that this place saved us. Every day brings joy, inspiration and a zest for life I never knew existed. The lessons have not always been easy but the ride has been scenic and delightful. I can’t imagine ever returning to a life that was not authentic to my spirit. ~ Millie A. Mestril