By Suzie Daggett
I admit it – I can be so darned self righteous and morally superior. It is not pretty. I have watched my ego take off in a hypocritical manner, blasting my dearest friend, the one I love and care about most in the world. How did this happen? What form of reckless behavior was I exhibiting? I know better, yet I let my defense driven ego have its way with my mind. Yes! I am right and he is wrong, no doubt about it! My heart was not consulted and my soul was left to fend for itself. I was wrapped in a selfish tunnel of confusion and spite. The emotional verbal bombs that I threw in so many directions made me dizzy, disoriented and unhappy. My spiritual life went poof in an instant.
The egocentric nature of a reactive righteous stance is energetically toxic. It is an unconscious ingrained situation just waiting to be acknowledged, revealed and brought to life for change. I now recognize the signs of an oncoming egocentric attack and step out of the reactive chatter to create a calm demeanor.
If being right is a trigger for you, consider the following:
Infuse yourself with several deep aware breaths
When faced with your reactive demon, consciously breath through your need to be right as you recognize the trigger for what it is. Turn away from the person you might direct the attack to and observe your breath. With awareness, feel the air move from constriction to openness.
Take a walk
Walk away from the moment with the knowledge that a verbal strike back is not the answer. If you cannot get outside (which helps clear your mind), walk around the office or your home with mindful steps. This will help switch from the left brained righteous ego to the creative center of your brain where new ideas spring forth.
Watch for mirroring
When you are in an accusatory manner, you might just be talking to yourself, reflecting issues in which you need to be aware. If it is a money situation, perhaps it is not just your mate’s issue, but yours as well. Maybe even more yours than hers/his. Do you have the courage to face the limitations around the issue that is driving the accusation? Can you agree with yourself to dig deep and find the moment you got hooked into believing something that may not even be true today?
Get professional help
If you are boxed in, you may need to find a teacher, mentor, coach or psychologist who can help you understand and come to terms with deeper issues. Your ego will not like this approach, but your soul will be applauding your willingness to seek help as you change and grow.
Clear the air
When you are ready, have a neutral conversation with the one you wanted to make wrong. Perhaps you have found a collaborative solution in your walking, breathing, being time. If not, tenderly put the issue on the table and suggest: “I just do not know what to do about this issue – what ideas do you have?” Let the conversation flow rather than direct it.
Be kind to yourself
As you change behaviors and beliefs, take a moment to pat yourself on the back and be kind to yourself. Recognize that change of any kind is hard, uneven and sometimes dramatic. But, shifts in consciousness can and do happen. This is one of the reasons we are here in this earth plane – to understand what our ego wants (to be right) and what our soul needs (to grow towards love and compassion).
These tools have helped me to get back on track, to shift from a defensive mode back to my heart center creating a soul centered outcome. It is a continuing learning process, one that takes awareness, conscious energy and the willingness to allow for deeper soul growth. I applaud you for making the change towards love and calm living.
About the Author: Suzie Daggett spins real life advice with ageless wisdom. The result? Life flows, your soul & ego balance, your intuition amps up. Suzie is a speaker, writer and intuitive business consultant. She is the author of From Ego to Soul and PEARLS ~ 52 Contemplative Insights.