May 24, 2013 Clare Evans

image1Many of us feel a strong bond with others – our children, parents, partner, friends, pets, even colleagues.  We may like them a lot or love them very much, and enjoy spending time together.  However the question is; are we connected, or are we attached?!

Attachments to others generally come with a certain level of dependency.  When others aren’t present or in contact with us, our lives may lack meaning and direction and we can often feel ‘lost’.  We may be so enmeshed in each other’s lives that we want to spend every spare moment together, simply ‘can’t live without them’ and when apart want to know every minute detail about what they are doing or thinking, every second of the day. We may call a few times ‘just for a chat’ or ‘to say I love you’, which is beautiful – provided that it’s not disruptive to other commitments and both parties are happy with this level of interaction.  If that were the case, it could indicate that both are connected, but they may also both be attached to each other, living their lives through the other and relying on them for their own happiness.

If a relationship is one sided with an attached dependent, it may actually be ‘detracting’ the other person.  Take for instance a couple in which one wants to spend all their available time together, yet the other has begun to enjoy their own company and activities or friendships outside the relationship.  They are embracing who they are and what they enjoy and without enough space, they may begin to resent their partner and feel like they are being smothered.  Like the two north (or south) ends of a magnet, they just won’t come together and it can begin to put a strain on the relationship.

On the other hand, through loving connections we give ourselves and others in our lives the space we need to be ourselves and sometimes do our own things.  This way we support not only ourselves but also the ones we love.  Getting back to our couple; so one wants some space and the other gives it to them, even if they don’t necessarily like it.  The dependent partner then has to ‘fend for themself’.  They then find they have some free time and may pursue an interest that they didn’t make space for before, lifting their spirits and allowing them to take charge of and engage in their own life, independently.

So how do we ensure we are connected to the ones we love, rather than being attached?

Effective communication is key in all relationships.  Lovingly express your thoughts and emotions to others in your life, and as well as speaking, ensure you listen to!

Spend time with others and make your focus on quality over quantity. If you have a family it’s important to make and take some time with just your partner, as a whole family, with each individual child as well as time on your own.  This gives you a chance to get to really know and connect with them, and yourself.

Spending time on your own doing things that you enjoy and in quiet self reflection, perhaps through journaling or meditation, allows you to connect with your unique self on all levels of your being – mind, body, heart and spirit.  If necessary seek professional assistance in healing, personal growth and empowerment.

With individual balance and clarity we raise our personal vibrations and natural magnetism (of north and south) can then take place.  This is when we see ‘like energies attract’ – without dependency!

Through loving connections it allows us the space to live our individual lives, yet share them with others.  This way we, and those we share connections with, have the freedom to potentially live happy, healthy and harmonious lives!



image1  Clare Evans is an Australian based Holistic Healer and Writer who ‘Leads by example, Teaches through experience and Heals with love’… She has a bright, loving nature and is personally and professionally led by her passions – spirit & energy, healing & personal growth, and empowering others.

After being diagnosed with cancer in 2007 at the age of 30, Clare underwent chemotherapy as well as embarking on her own intense journey of self discovery, healing and growth.  As the authentic Clare emerged, she began to follow her destiny in a very grounded and balanced way and now assists others with the knowledge and skills gained from study, as well as personally – through many of her own life’s lessons and experiences.

Through her first iTunes album: ‘Pure Meditation’ and her writings, Clare continues to live her vision in assisting others from all over the world, in their own healing, personal growth and empowerment.

To learn more about Clare, read her blog and purchase her album, please visit the website:


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