Closure. What exactly is “closure?”

By in Change

Often, we rely on someone else to give us closure. We want our questions answered. We want to get inside of their head– to the bottom of things. We want to dig deep until we’ve found it. We may even get tired and desperate and except a lie, just something -anything- to give us closure. We depend on their words or their actions in order to move on…but do we really need them to “allow” our mind, body and soul to move on?

Would you be willing to accept a lie just so that you can walk away content or is it the truth that would bring you satisfaction no matter how much it hurts? Even if they are sincere, it may still hurt your soul. Honesty doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Honesty doesn’t always soothe the pain by granting us “permission” so-to-speak to move on. In some cases, closure will work– in others, it will not.

In my opinion, closure doesn’t help my healing process. It prolongs it. I personally don’t want to have a “meeting” with someone who just hurt me and go over a list of questions. I’ll be damned if I depend on them to move on or stand still emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Majority of these conversations will not even feel like closure, because you get side tracked and forget to ask all your questions or blind sided and can’t remember all the answers– this will leave your emotional hole deeper, needing more closure to cover it! With emotions there -because they are, you wouldn’t be hurt if otherwise- this can then lead to arguing, defending, negotiating…just very ugly. Even worse, is when someone won’t give us a reason. We walk around with confusion which can cause insecurity in future relationships. This can be emotionally traumatic. This will hurt our self-esteem, hurt our confidence, hurt our soul.

So, why do we feel the need to always seek closure? Maybe it’s just the word itself that feeds our ego. Closing the door to an issue means you lock it and throw away the key. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could just close and lock the emotional door whenever we needed to? Let’s be honest, to even get all the answers, it doesn’t necessarily close anything.Closure is just a band aid to cover it up. Work still needs to be done, that door is still slightly open because now comes step 2… how to deal.

I am not saying at all to not seek closure. Each soul is unique and may need something different– it knows what it needs. The advice I give is to be gentle. Do not lose yourself in the process of trying to find answers. Once your heart aches, soul is lost and mind is racing more during the closure process then it was during the end of the relationship– let it go. If someone doesn’t give you “piece” of mind, give yourself “peace” of mind; and by doing so it’s not about someone else’s words, it’s all within yourself. Stop depositing into this emotional account, when all they do is withdraw. At a certain point (and like I said; your soul will know if it’s immediately or within time), stop investing on closure, and start investing in forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean you are approving their behaviour, it is accepting you cannot change it and it’s time to find inner-peace. To find peace, you must accept and let go of them so that we can grab onto YOU.

You have a reason to be strong! You’re a beautiful being of this world. A beautiful being with a strong heart– the will to love and be loved. Embrace that. Don’t put energy analysing someone’s unhappiness. Instead, direct that energy on your happiness. Your soul is in fact not relying on someone else… your mind is. Your soul is indeed relying on you!

What soothes your soul? I know when I wanted to find my closure (now known as peace), I started helping others find theirs. Their peace brought me a sense of peace. When I felt helpless in my own life, I helped others in theirs.  Though my heart was hurting, it began to smile. Although it was going to sting a bit, I had to rip off this band aid and nurse my soul with the antidote of peace– and with this medicine, I began to heal.

Don’t search for closure. Search for PEACE. Don’t go out of your way trying to close something, or end something…do just the opposite –open something, start something– start the process of peace, and by doing so, we must forgive. Forgive them. Wish them well and let them go. That is the healthiest and happiest “closure” you’ll ever give yourself. Peace of mind over piece of mind.

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Deanna, the founder of Soul Serenity Healing, is a Life Coach, Reiki Practitioner and Writer. She puts her belief in new-age therapy with both modern and mystical work healing the mind, body and soul. She has a holistic approach fusing energy cleansing, chakra balancing, spiritual guidance and more for those clients who wish to go deeper and more soulful than talk-therapy. Her hands-on techniques involve a deep, visual, yet fun way of exploring and creating ourselves. She specializes in empowerment (self-esteem and self-love), relationships (communication and co-dependency), coping skills (anxiety and fear) and inner-child work (past, present, future work). She works with men, women and children from all different backgrounds. Deanna holds support groups, wellness workshops, self-help book clubs, programs and private sessions in office (Long Island, NY) as well as via phone/online giving you the tools to build your own happier and healthier life. She is a #1 International Best Seller Author and also feautured in Awakening Daily and The Culture of Awareness promoting health and wellness mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.


  1. Krisztina Kozma 9 years ago

    An what if you where the person who hurt the other? And you want their forgiveness? And you can`t get it? And, maybe, you can`t forgive yourself? Though, you know, you have to! And why am I crying right now? How can I really find PEACE?

  2. Lovie 7 years ago

    Very valid, pithy, sutinccc, and on point. WD.

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